This again?

After talking to Josh a lot today, we both figured out we want the same things out of a relationship. So I asked him on a date. However due to our work idk when this will happen. I don't want any serious emotional crap but I think i'm gonna tell him if we do go on dates regularly etc that I just want him to be honest with me and tell me if he talks to other people. I won't get mad I just dont want to be blind sided again by him.

Liz is gonna kick my ass!

Anything you say, will happen? What!?

Previous post about sex... umm ya... long shot right?

APPARENTLY NOT! Last night was so much fun! Went to D's house, took a shot and drank a beer. Went to EC, have like 3 or 4 cran vodkas, a beer... was a bit tipsy. Was texting Josh and B(randon). Josh about sex, B about bugging him at 3 am cause he lives in the building next to D's haha. Somehow things led to txt's about sex LOL. I left the bar early and went to B's. I kissed him and he goes "wait, this is between us right?" uhh... DUH! people would probably flip shit, plus it's no one's business!!!! I said who would I tell and he said good. Then he said in a oh so delicious tone... "Bedroom". It wasn't mind blowing by any means but it was damn good and I would NOT mind doing it again. Funniest part is he is like... don't get feelings. Umm... have you not noticed that I don't have feelings to get anymore? Gone B, don't worry i'm not obsesive over guys. Only someone i'm in love with and frankly I doubt i'll ever be in love again!

I am so fucked up! Seriously people... this is what I just text Josh:
"I decided i'm a guys perfect girl right now lmao! I like hanging out, going on dates, like sex often, I love to cook, I pretty much feel emotionally unavailable, work a lot to support myself so no one else has to, i'm kind of a badass, and love to have fun. Dont want a super serious relationship? Get a Becca. HHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
He just goes "haha that's funny! That's what you think guys always look for?"
I said "Lmao! I actually have no idea it just sounded good in my head. What do guys look for?"

It may not be what guys look for but I think the only type of relationship I can handle is one where i'm not super emotionally involved. I don't have the strength. I am pretty broken emotionally and don't think I could give myself to anyone else right now. Should that also mean I can't have someone to spend time with? Humm... HELP! I'm fucked up!

Anything you say, can and will be used against you!

I shouldn't even be writing this right now but I would like to make some sense of my thoughts on this matter.
Sex:
I have lied/kept the truth from a lot of people for a damn good reason. Who have you been with since Nate?

I had sex with Dustyn, and Travis 2 times and a half fast attempt that was nothing but annoying.

Dustyn was end of april
Trav was 5/5 and 8/18? and the attempt was the 24th. No one knows about travis except liz, because we agreed not to speak about it. As I told him, saying things like "ouch my hips, okay i'm done" really kills my mood and certianly makes a woman feel like shit. That's why it doesn't count.. no one got even close to the end result!

Sex: I don't want to have sex with someone who is in a relationship. I ruined my marriage, not trying to ruin someone elses. So Chris & JW... BACK OFF ALREADY, i'm trying to be good here!

Sex: I was to have some serious mind blowing sex with someone, go on dates, spend time together, and NOT be in a relationship. Why can't I just date someone casually and constantly have sex?!?!
The two options I would seriously consider. Josh - which can be a very good thing or a very bad thing and probably annoying most of the time because he is a PITA! Oddly thought we have a insane amount of stuff in common and his take on sex is like mine. What he wants, how, when, where.. etc. Brandon - He's a irritating, sweet, bossy little shit that I could have some SERIOUS fun with! Our conversation about sex oddly turned me on. I doubt this will ever be brought up again at this point, but that would be so hot! B seems to like things I like, and I like it often as he mentioned.

Why is it so hard to just make this happen... I'm sick of being alone, and i'm sick of the baggage and drama that accompanies these people!

50 Shades of Becca? What?!

Last night JW came over. Well we sat there talking no big... ended up kissing a bit and just kind of laying across each others backs etc. He sat on the edge of my bed so I wrapped myself behind him and rubbed his back for him. He seemed so incredibly sad! While we kissed I was on top of him for a little and was kind of pinning him down and holding his hands above his head.

Today.. he tells me that i'm kind of dominate. Umm *Flashes to 50 shades of grey book and slightly panics* WHAT? He just said I was a little bossy and kind of took what I wanted. bahahahaha... Umm... I never thought of it that way, but I guess he is right.

I like what I like, is that bad? I'm really glad nothing more happened. He isn't in a good place to just have a simple relationship and I can't do drama or complicated. Simplicity is a hard thing to come by but right now, that's all i'm willing to do.

You're Fucking Absurd!

I ask you one simple mother effing thing! Get rid of Emily off your facebook PLEASE, have you done it? HELL NO. Why? IDK to be a prick? Because you forgot? Because you think it's funny?
For as many reason as I wanted to stay together to work through things... you are continuing to remind me why we wouldn't have worked out in the end anyways... FUCK YOU! and FUCK THE 28TH OF THIS DAMN MONTH! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
- The Bitter Angry Hopefully Soon to-be Ex Wife

Fiji

I made a promise to myself that I would go to Fiji in 2013, I have now decided I want to go during summer right before school starts. I was supposed to go to Fiji on my honeymood and due to the divorce of course that's not happening. So I think I will throw it out to my friends if anyone wants to join but if not.. i'm going alone. Well last night I hung out with Hyrum and this lady he works with Tracy is in for business from Australia. We got into a conversation about GA and racial issues and war etc and normally I don't talk about things like that with anyone even friends but we took each other opinions and had a wonderful talk and have 99% of the same views! She was a wonderful lady and I would LOVE to spend more time with her. The best thing... turns out she has been to Fiji THREE times! She talked to me about things that happen there and where is good to go and got my name and number and email and wants to keep in touch. Offered for me to stay with her a few days while on my way to fiji in sydney, Australia!!! How incredible would that be! Last night over all was just awesome :)

Are you being serious?

Mom - Telling me I need to make new friends because everything revolves around the "Frends" is ridiculous! THEY WERE THERE FOR ME WHEN YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON ME WITH MY SEPARATION FROM NATE! Trav let me stay at his place, they took me to dinners so I wouldn't be alone, they checked on me all the time! THEY WERE THERE! I have cut out some seriously shitty people from my life, that's why I don't have tons of friends anymore. They either drink 24/7, do drugs, have no goals in life other than to live at home for the rest of their lives, or don't care how many lives they ruin while "having fun". I don't want that in my life anymore, EVER. So no... I don't need to branch out. They are my fmaily and will always be. I would love to meet new people, but all the new people I met are just like the old people I got rid of. And really.. "stop putting my feelings on facebook, i need to grow up a bit" WTF? What "feelings" of mine are on facebook? I'm sleepy? I'm excited? umm... shut the fuck up! It's MY FB i'll post what I want. I'm not doing ANYTHING wrong or bad! Let me live my life, you made me move out, you don't need to tell me how to live anymore, thanks!

All Smiles

I don't know you very well, but you are a incredible man. I smiled just from getting a text from you tonight. AK - you're a great guy I hope you know that. Too bad you're not sinlge because I would LOVE to go on a date with you!

Red Wine and New Jobs

New jobs - I accepted TWO jobs today, one at bdubs as a server, and one at a dog kennel/boarding place. Whoop Whoop!!! Red Wine makes me hiccup!!! I want to get laid.. ugh! Bed time I start tomorrow. whoo random shit on blogger :P

You can't unchange people

If I could have 3 lives to live I would take it. I would choose this one, it's hard but I know i'm going places. I would choose my life with Nathan, stay married and have a blissfull fairytale life. I would also choose my personal "drug", that kind of passion we had(or I think we had) I miss so much. Those 2nd two, will NEVER be the same. Life is forever changed and I'm glad and still sad sometimes. Sometimes I want to unchange myself, but I know i'm such a better person lately. I can't unchange me, I can't unchange others. It's sad that you make mistakes you never think will change your life until, boom... there you are!

But Really... you suck in bed!

Oh the group chat... can easily get me in trouble. Frend: She shallows, Becca Swallows! Ex: Yeah she does! I know first hand. Me: yeah right that NEVER happened. Ex: Yeah, I know haha. Enter the long back and forth talking shit about each other in a sexual mannor.... You have a small penis, you have a huge vagina, you are a 1 pump chump, you like it in the ass. etc etc... absolutely hysterical. I'm sure even funnier for the other viewers. However... no really... you have a small penis and you rarely got me off. It's funny when it's in a joking manner, no one needs to know it's all the truth :) I'm fiesty today, this may not be good!

Post Secret Sunday - I'll Tell One

I regret Sleeping with the last person I slept with, because I want to do it again. Simply because it's convient and I can. Not because I actually feel anything.

A New Place, Also In Life.

My new place is kind of cool, I really like my room. Even though I haven't put much up yet... or really moved moved. The first few nights here were ridic! Sunday - had a dinner party with my sis and our roommate larrissa and got drunk of my whole bottle of wine and more beer. Monday job searched. Tuesday is was my best friend and his twin brothers bday.. went to Cheap Skates and had a fucking BLAST! Weds job hunted.. today.. job hunted.. ughhh! SO, I haven't talked to nate in a few weeks.. well about 3 now. I haven't even text him and i'm so proud of myself. For a quick background. We are getting a divorce. I guess this will be my story. My "new life", my married for almost 3 years, moved accross the country for him, now getting a divorce, finally working on my career dreams, being a lunatic, having fun new story. Wish me luck. I might need it <3