Anything you say, will happen? What!?

Previous post about sex... umm ya... long shot right?

APPARENTLY NOT! Last night was so much fun! Went to D's house, took a shot and drank a beer. Went to EC, have like 3 or 4 cran vodkas, a beer... was a bit tipsy. Was texting Josh and B(randon). Josh about sex, B about bugging him at 3 am cause he lives in the building next to D's haha. Somehow things led to txt's about sex LOL. I left the bar early and went to B's. I kissed him and he goes "wait, this is between us right?" uhh... DUH! people would probably flip shit, plus it's no one's business!!!! I said who would I tell and he said good. Then he said in a oh so delicious tone... "Bedroom". It wasn't mind blowing by any means but it was damn good and I would NOT mind doing it again. Funniest part is he is like... don't get feelings. Umm... have you not noticed that I don't have feelings to get anymore? Gone B, don't worry i'm not obsesive over guys. Only someone i'm in love with and frankly I doubt i'll ever be in love again!

I am so fucked up! Seriously people... this is what I just text Josh:
"I decided i'm a guys perfect girl right now lmao! I like hanging out, going on dates, like sex often, I love to cook, I pretty much feel emotionally unavailable, work a lot to support myself so no one else has to, i'm kind of a badass, and love to have fun. Dont want a super serious relationship? Get a Becca. HHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
He just goes "haha that's funny! That's what you think guys always look for?"
I said "Lmao! I actually have no idea it just sounded good in my head. What do guys look for?"

It may not be what guys look for but I think the only type of relationship I can handle is one where i'm not super emotionally involved. I don't have the strength. I am pretty broken emotionally and don't think I could give myself to anyone else right now. Should that also mean I can't have someone to spend time with? Humm... HELP! I'm fucked up!