Things I like... about me

I like that I like to smile
I like that I like to have fun
I like that I'm learning to stand up for myself
I like that I give people 2nd chances
I like that I like to get away by myself and go drive for no reason
I like that I love to read
I like my freckles
I like my smile
I like my eyes
I like that I like the way I look
I like that I adore my best friends Trav and Liz
I like that I try to keep good people in my life
I like that I do what I want and dont let others decide things for me
I like that I am getting food and pie at 342 am just cause I can and it sounded good
I like that I have been kicked and drug around by my hair and still manage to be happy this year
I like that I am strong
I like that I am stubborn
I like that I dance around to music blasting far too loud at any given moment
I like that people take notice of me
I like me.

Nate.. again

You're consuming my mind! You would be proud of me for losing weight and be pushing me to eat more than I have been because its not healthy. You would have come to my rescue and given me a big hug and kiss and said it was all going to be okay. We would be spending Xmas together. We would have our first tree together. We would be talking babies, or maybe even have one on the way. I always adored you. I miss you, and love you, and cry about you in the middle of the night. I'm so sorry for hurting you.

Thanksgiving weekend

Worked open to close weds, went boarding with the twins on Thanksgiving, stopped at moms and their parents. Worked Friday morning with Amanda, went out to oc with Annie then to Dave and busters for Julies bday. Then hung out with Vega. He kissed me, a lot. It was nice. We are also going to go on a date. I'm looking forward to that. Maybe the weekend after next. Sat I hung out with Annie again and went out, I have a blast with her. Erika and Richard got engaged. Today I worked, made good money and had fun. Its been a good weekend!

I still miss you

I think I always will miss you Bear.

How quickly and quietly things change

Nov 9th?

I am laying in bed tonight, not feeling very good. Trav left about 11 and I fell asleep before he even said he was home. Eric text me about 230 and woke me up.... its now 5 and I still can't sleep. Nate finally filed for divorce... I counted and if I am correct January 26th I will be legally divorced. I have been thinking about him lots lately. I'm not sure why. I miss him a lot sometimes. I miss holding him, cause yes... I held him. I miss his morning kisses on my forehead. I miss his ninja rolls. Above all, I miss his friendship. He has his faults like everyone, but he really is a good guy!
With that being said, I wish I was dating someone. I wish someone cared enough to take the time to take me out. To spend time with me, and to treat me well. I wish Eric cared enough to TRUELY be my friend. I wish Brandon didn't drive me up the wall, then be so awesome. I with Justin didn't have a girlfriend lol.
Keenan text me today, a little out of the blue. Said he wants to hang out soon. I reminded him he owes me dinner. I think we will be doing a dinner date soon.
For as much as I want someone to be around, I am very terrified.

You cant handle it

I talked to angel today. About Eric. Which I probably shouldn't have done. It is what it is. He told her about how Thomas was flirting with me etc and was getting all huffy about it. If he isn't interested then why did he get so huffy to me and then to angel? Is he staking claim or does he actually give a crap.
I deleted his number... how much do you want to bet he won't text me for at least a week? I don't fucking get it. If I could say anything to him it would be this.
'Its amazing to me that you get huffy and puffy about someone liking me regardless of them being in a relationship or not. You made it very clear that you don't have time for me. To spend or to be friends. You keep saying I'm great etc. You have no idea. You think you know who I am or how I'll be. I may not be the clingy immature 24 year old but I also don't deal well with bullshit and games. I refuse to be one of your little games. You are 36 and have no desire to date? Clearly you have things wrong in your own head. I am not going to just speak with you when I text you or when its convenient for you. That isn't how my relationships work in my life. You want to even know me more than drinks and tips... prove it. If not then stop acting like you care.'

Maid of Honor

Last night my best friend (Liz) asked me to be her maid of honor.... while at her friend linettes house Haha... we ask each other all the important things at inappropriate times and places! Of course I said yes... I'm a little nervous! I think we decided Vegas for the pre-party! Hell yes!

I dont get it but whatever...

I accidentally sent Eric a text that was supposed to go to Trav saying if my downfall is being too kind etc then I'll take it... he responded with 'Stop trying to sell yourself to everyone. You're great' why thank you sir... too bad you clearly have no intentions of truly getting to know me... *eye roll*

How DARE you!

Jairus: Were you fucking high on something? Were you WASTED? I swear on my life the next time someone tries to forcibly kiss me I will punch them in the face as hard as possible. Saying no not once but 3 times, pushing him away and saying "I asked you not to" clearly isn't a obvious enough no. I told him to get out of my car and looked in my rearview to make sure he was away enough for my car, as I see him change his mind and start walking towards my door I drove off pretty damn fast. I am actually SHOCKED HE OF ALL PEOPLE tried something like that. I am DONE talking to him, done. He can't keep his emotions in check, he tried to force himself on me? Even if it wasn't sexually... that's NOT okay. EVER.
*Shudder*

My Vow

I'm making a vow to myself... I need to regain focus. No more going out and spending ANY money. No more going out to dinner with friends, no more drinking any alcohol (with the exception of halloween weekend because I know I will want to and I know I will be with 100% responsible people who wont pressure me into having more than AAAAA beer if that's what I choose, or even pressuring me into one), no more talking to males about dating or relationships, or kissing or anything until IIIIIIII am re-focused and clear in my own head on what my intents will be with that person and ONLY that person, Save every dime I make, sit at home and study for my test, or sit at a coffee shop or somewhere that I can focus on my future, save up the money to file for divorce because I don't think nate is going
to and he doesn't deserve to be getting payments from me and the extra money from the military since HE chose this, Get my OWN car ins on my OWN plan, get my phone into MY name only, stop falling back into letting people use me and walk all over me. No more venting to you all about the negative things in my life because I have so much going for me and so many positive things in my world. Everyone says how strong I am. I AM strong, and I want to be that, FOR ME! So I'm giving myself until Thanksgiving. I need to learn a little more self control with drinking, spending money, and men. I will re-evaluate myself and how I feel about things then. I know I can do this, I WANT this. I know I have the support.

I used to write you letters....

Nathan,
I used to write you letters all the time, when we were still in love. When I couldn't figure out how else to tell you what I was feeling. Well what I'm feeling right now is mad. How are you friends with Mikala? How does Dani feel about that? How can you forgive HER, someone who STOLE money from you, tried to ruin our relationship from the get go, turn her back on you as soon as she saw you were doing well for yourself. Yet, you can't forgive me? I continue to see how much we would never work out. I'm constantly frustrated by you. By the things I see and hear. How can Dani hate me so much but be okay with Mikala? wtf is she some damn saint now?

It's interested to me that this still hurts me so baddly, I honestly think that it hurts me more than it hurts you. I think you just stopped caring. I think you were too interested in YOUR future you forgot about OURS. So no, I haven't forgiven myself fully, and I'm not sure I ever fully will. But knowing that people are okay with that and willing to stick by my side and love me through it. That's all I need. One day I will be free of this, free of you, free of us.

I have done so much to better myself, to let this go, to grow and move forward. I am honest with people now. I want a real, good, healthy relationship in my future. I wont let you hold me back anymore.

You held me back from so much and I never realized it, I don't think you ever did either. But i'm mad at you, and that's way better than hating myself and hurting all the time.


I don't cry about you anymore, I am not in love with you anymore. I want to be done and wash my hands of this.
Love you forever,
Your Bite Sized Pretty Girl....

I've been neglectful

I haven't blogged in about a month now... not really on purpose but blogging via cell phone sucks!

So much stupid little stuff has changed and changed again and grown etc.

A few things still remain/are going great.
1. I am officially a closer at work after a month and a half. Most people have been there 6 months or longer and aren't closing so woooo!
2. We have to move and have 3 weeks left to do so.
3. Hyrum is back from spain and I haven't had the pleasure of seeing him yet but hopefully this week. That kid makes me smile <3
4. Travis is still awesome and I should really stop telling him things because he can't just keep shit to himself he has to joke about it in front of others and it is really annoying.
5. Jarius popped back into my life and it's a scary thing for me. I CAN'T get into it too deep with him, he is joining the military.
6. Kyle came home, didn't see me of course... no surprise there... because he didn't want to upset laura. I have a feeling this really is the end. Ending on a not good but not bad note. I have no place in his life and vice versa and now that i'm single.. I see that more than ever.
7. IGAF right now to write more haha... work time... bye chitlins

Your Plan

"Your Plan"


Hello, it's been too long
My fault I haven't called
Thank you for picking up the phone

I've been swimming around
Trying hard not to drown
Waiting on my life calling to sound

And I'm hangin' on best as I can
Cause I know this whole crazy ride's in Your hands
It's Your plan

This is my white flag wave
This is me handing you the reigns
I know You can steer my hurricane

And I'll hang on best as I can
Cause I know this whole crazy ride's in Your hands
It's Your plan
It's Your plan

So I'll hang on the best as I can
Best as I can
Cause I know this whole Crazy ride's in Your hands
It's Your Plan

Last thursday I saw Dustin Lynch in concert - he sang this song and it hit my heart hard. It's a beautiful song

Keep Moving Forward

When your entire life is changed, your down in the dumps, you can't stop crying, and you don't know where to turn... Remember all those dreams your pushed into the back of your head. Throw them into the light, grab everyone who is still there right by your side, and keep moving forward. That's when you really know what you're made of, don't take anyone's bullshit anymore, stirve for YOU and YOUR dreams. Then when you are sitting on your throne, remember to thank the ones who gave you that push when you needed it and tell them that you love them. <3

Graham, Keenan, Men?

The Graham story:

We went on our date. We went to lunch instead. Then went to dave and busters. Then a movie. I was good, he's cute and sweet. It was nice. We also went to lunch at the OG on tuesday. Then he came and spent the night.

That's where my mind is having issues. I like the kid, he seems nice, clearly can't respect my wishes of not wanting to have sex. Which actually royally hurts my feelings. Why can't someone just respect what I want. I'm glad he went to NY for the rest of the week so I can clear my head. I like him, as a person. But I don't think I like him as more than that. ughh...


Keenan has to reschedule our date tonight because he forgot he made plans before for the football game tonight.


Want to know how much I miss Nathan right now? A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT!

Postsecret Sunday (3)

There is 3 people I would say i've had INCREDIBLE sex with. Nate, Kyle, and Keenan. Mind blowing!!!!! I was also in love with nate and kyle, 100% NOT keenan.

Let's play catch up because my brain hurts lol

Thursday last week I hung out with the old friends since puddin was in town, didn't stay long though. I went over to B's. Had some really great sex and went home. Uhh yeah that has to stay on SERIOUS downlow! (see previous post's)



This thursday I started talking to Keenan again Mr. KID. Went to the cowboy for a few drinks then went there to hang out. Well hanging out didn't last long. Again (bad me i know) had some wonderful sex, and by wonderful I mean my arms and shoulders were sore as a MOFO because of how much moving and holding and everything I was doing!!! OMFG it was great... umm wait.. condom broke? What?! We had sex a lot, though. So then I work friday night and when I got off I went over to K's again. We watched some of a movie, the start of the OC and hung out with his roommate travis and his girl Roxy. We joked, and danced around to music and sang and laughed. Then we went to bed and cuddled and kissed and went to sleep! It was great! I half-assed got ready for work in the morning and he proceeded to tell me that I was beautiful. I then, before work went and got a plan B pill. It's 50 god damn dollars! I can't believe he keeps telling me hoe beautiful I am. He's NUTS! lol! I kind of like him, but i'm not trying to get hurt. We will see how this goes I suppose.


TONIGHT... Josh V came into my work, gave me a hug hi talked a tiny bit and gave me a hug bye. He is hott as hell, have a lot in common and ais such a prick more often than not. Also, This kid Graham came into my work. I went to HS with him, we talked a little and I gave him my number. We are going to grab coffee in the morning. He also just got divorced and has a little girl. I think it will be nice gaining some new friends.

Side Note: WTF is happening in my life right now!? My head is spinning!

We can't talk anymore

Becca text JW and told him that we can't hang out anymore, not like we had been. (At this point maybe we can't talk!) I refuse to be the girl who is the "reason" someone breaks up. Even if it's not really me. That's not fair to anyone and I don't want to be that person anymore. PERIOD. JW needs to break up with his girl on his own. So that's that!

Delicious

Oh B,
You look ridiculously gorgeous in PJ's!!!

You are also a super big prick sometimes na dI just want to bitch slap you and tell you to get a grip and lighten up!

4200 texts in 5 months....

I can't sleep and I should really delete these texts, but I'm reading them first.

Trav is the only person I dont delete texts from. IDK why. But here is some of the funny shit we say to each other:

March 10 -
B(Me)- SO I am in a really good mood.
T - Good, I'm happy for you
B - But see that's the problem, I have nothing to do and no one to hang out with so it's kind of a waste. Lol
T - Bad timing haha
T- You can wash my car... that will be fun.
B - You can kiss my ass, that'll be fun too!
T - Me kissing your ass?
B - Yeah it'll go hand in hand with me washing your car, can you hear the sarcasm?

March 10
B - I'm epic is sexcapades!
(wtf... haha)

March 10
B - Lies, you slut!
T - You're a slut, slut face.
B - You love me and my face
T - you think so?
B - YOU LOVE MY MOTHER FUCKING FACE!
T - Haha i'm going to bed
B - Okay doll, love you. Let me know when you're free tomorrow
(We are random as hell)

March 23
B - Just be here for me I need it
T - I'm here
(Kid kept me sane through my break up)

March 25
T - You're a slutty mcslutty the sac tapping slut. You tapped 3 sacs last night, all for a cup cake
(They wouldn't let me have one, revenge was taken out on my car... they cupcaked it)

March 26
B - If you say it's about Vanessa I will bitch slap you back to reality!
(about a FB post)

April 11
T - Movie?
B - Duh! when?
T - let me look, chipotle!
B - eat there or at the movie?
T - MOVIE! It's tradition!
(I love our dates!)

April 16
B - Thank you for being such a incredibly respectful amazing man
T - Did I do something?
B - No, just thanking you for being you.
(this was after spending a few days with him in the hospital, I was super nice and saw him and helped him a bit, DUH hes my best!)

April 18
B - Tell me something nice
T - You're the best person I know

April 25
B - I miss you
T - What brought that on?
B - Nothing just making a statment
T - I kinda sorta miss you too
B - Kinda sorta?
T - take it or leave it
B- I'll take it
T- I don't miss people often
B - Except me
T - Kinda sorta

May 4
B - I'm sick of being so disrespected for this all and i'm sick of feeling like such a horrible person
T - I see... I has a speech for you this morning... But I forgot what I wasgoing to say
B - Lmao and this is why I love you

May 4
T - May the 4th be with you!

May 5
T - KIT
B - KIT???
T - keep in touch
B - Oh, you're so lame haha
T - Quiet bitch, i'll cut you
(hahahaha)

May 16
T - Nut up or shut up
B - God i'm acting like brandon... a little bitch!
T - Pretty much

May 16
T - This is the girl i'm interested in *Insert pic*
B - Is she 14?!?!?!
T - 25 actually
B - Shut the fuck up! DID YOU CHECK HER ID???
(LMFAO!)

May 30
B - I may or may not be eating spongebob easy mac
T - You're easier than easy mac
B - Brat!

June 2
T - Whats wrong
B - If this chick next to me says Bro one more time i'm going to punch her!
T - Hahahaha do it!

June 8
B - New Becca
T - Improved Becca
B - Thanks!
T - It's called wisdom, it comes from being damaged.

June 13
B - *bang*
T - Huh?
B - That's me shooting myself
T - What? No Thud?

June 16
B - This chick better get my approval because I don't feel like adding more bitches to my hit list!
(about a new girl T was dating)

June 22
B - How's life fucktard?
T - You're my only complaint
B - Ouch
T - Haha

June 23
T - Hows the place?
B - Looks like shit on the outside, nice as hell on the inside
T - Are you explaining you?
B - Fuck you i'm gorgeous!!!!!!!!!
(about my new home)

June 26 (trav hinting my secrets on our group chat)
B - I will murder you like a crazy ex girlfriend if you EVER hint about that again!
T - I like how you know I was giggling!
B - I know you far too well

June 29
T - You should kick friday in the crotch
B - If it hs one I would, then slap it's ass for good measure
T - Haha Get it bitch!

June 30
B - You've got a comfy bed
T - That's fucked up
B - MMM So warm
T - I hate you
B - So Fluffy
T - Fuck off
B - So blue!!!!!!!!!!!!
T - Not helping
(I took a nap at his place without him there haha)

July 1
T - I hate you
B - I love you too

July 25
T - You know what you need?
B - Whats that?
T - A chimichana, or just say it. It's fun to say

Aug 2
T - I don't love you. I merely keep you around because you know too much!

Postsecret Monday? (2)

I forgot to do my secret sunday so i'll so secret monday.

Whats a good one?


People keep telling me i'm gorgeous/pretty/stunning lately. I say thank you and it makes me smile but I don't feel like it's a meaningful thing. I want someone to look me in the eyes and care about me and lovingly tell me i'm gorgeous. I miss the true feeling of someone thinking that and FEELING that.

Needing Some Consistency!

MY life has been a hot friggen mess lately.

1 job, got fired, found 2 jobs in a week and a half. A few days ago one of them ended. They are stupid and agreed on a schedule with me then flipped shit when they wanted me to work other times and I wouldn't.

Men - ughh

Friends - I have been seeing them randomly lately. I love it but hate it at the same time.

This post is going to be as random as my life has been lately okay?

Somehow I managed to lose my ID the other night. Turns out in the shuffle of clothes coming off it fell out of my pocket at brandons. I need to go pick that up on wednesday when I have some time.

IDK why I really like Josh, it's kind of annoying because he's a prick and I know this. I am also looking forward to our date that will hopefully happen on sat. :)

I spent some time with Brian and Cara yesterday. Got off from working a double and drank wine until 6am with them. Having serious talks with Bri while drunk.. not good. Lol I dont remember the last hour-ish of that convo. I love those two though.

Did I mention I had a baby melt down on 8/28? Since it was supposed to be my 3 year marriage anniversary? No? Oh well I did. I'm proud of myself though. I didn't cave in. I haven't spoken to Nate in at least a month now.

I'm so fucking broke. I can finally start making tips tomorrow, I hope I make a lot of money because I AM SO FUCKING BROKE.

My brain hurts, night!

This again?

After talking to Josh a lot today, we both figured out we want the same things out of a relationship. So I asked him on a date. However due to our work idk when this will happen. I don't want any serious emotional crap but I think i'm gonna tell him if we do go on dates regularly etc that I just want him to be honest with me and tell me if he talks to other people. I won't get mad I just dont want to be blind sided again by him.

Liz is gonna kick my ass!

Anything you say, will happen? What!?

Previous post about sex... umm ya... long shot right?

APPARENTLY NOT! Last night was so much fun! Went to D's house, took a shot and drank a beer. Went to EC, have like 3 or 4 cran vodkas, a beer... was a bit tipsy. Was texting Josh and B(randon). Josh about sex, B about bugging him at 3 am cause he lives in the building next to D's haha. Somehow things led to txt's about sex LOL. I left the bar early and went to B's. I kissed him and he goes "wait, this is between us right?" uhh... DUH! people would probably flip shit, plus it's no one's business!!!! I said who would I tell and he said good. Then he said in a oh so delicious tone... "Bedroom". It wasn't mind blowing by any means but it was damn good and I would NOT mind doing it again. Funniest part is he is like... don't get feelings. Umm... have you not noticed that I don't have feelings to get anymore? Gone B, don't worry i'm not obsesive over guys. Only someone i'm in love with and frankly I doubt i'll ever be in love again!

I am so fucked up! Seriously people... this is what I just text Josh:
"I decided i'm a guys perfect girl right now lmao! I like hanging out, going on dates, like sex often, I love to cook, I pretty much feel emotionally unavailable, work a lot to support myself so no one else has to, i'm kind of a badass, and love to have fun. Dont want a super serious relationship? Get a Becca. HHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
He just goes "haha that's funny! That's what you think guys always look for?"
I said "Lmao! I actually have no idea it just sounded good in my head. What do guys look for?"

It may not be what guys look for but I think the only type of relationship I can handle is one where i'm not super emotionally involved. I don't have the strength. I am pretty broken emotionally and don't think I could give myself to anyone else right now. Should that also mean I can't have someone to spend time with? Humm... HELP! I'm fucked up!

Anything you say, can and will be used against you!

I shouldn't even be writing this right now but I would like to make some sense of my thoughts on this matter.
Sex:
I have lied/kept the truth from a lot of people for a damn good reason. Who have you been with since Nate?

I had sex with Dustyn, and Travis 2 times and a half fast attempt that was nothing but annoying.

Dustyn was end of april
Trav was 5/5 and 8/18? and the attempt was the 24th. No one knows about travis except liz, because we agreed not to speak about it. As I told him, saying things like "ouch my hips, okay i'm done" really kills my mood and certianly makes a woman feel like shit. That's why it doesn't count.. no one got even close to the end result!

Sex: I don't want to have sex with someone who is in a relationship. I ruined my marriage, not trying to ruin someone elses. So Chris & JW... BACK OFF ALREADY, i'm trying to be good here!

Sex: I was to have some serious mind blowing sex with someone, go on dates, spend time together, and NOT be in a relationship. Why can't I just date someone casually and constantly have sex?!?!
The two options I would seriously consider. Josh - which can be a very good thing or a very bad thing and probably annoying most of the time because he is a PITA! Oddly thought we have a insane amount of stuff in common and his take on sex is like mine. What he wants, how, when, where.. etc. Brandon - He's a irritating, sweet, bossy little shit that I could have some SERIOUS fun with! Our conversation about sex oddly turned me on. I doubt this will ever be brought up again at this point, but that would be so hot! B seems to like things I like, and I like it often as he mentioned.

Why is it so hard to just make this happen... I'm sick of being alone, and i'm sick of the baggage and drama that accompanies these people!

50 Shades of Becca? What?!

Last night JW came over. Well we sat there talking no big... ended up kissing a bit and just kind of laying across each others backs etc. He sat on the edge of my bed so I wrapped myself behind him and rubbed his back for him. He seemed so incredibly sad! While we kissed I was on top of him for a little and was kind of pinning him down and holding his hands above his head.

Today.. he tells me that i'm kind of dominate. Umm *Flashes to 50 shades of grey book and slightly panics* WHAT? He just said I was a little bossy and kind of took what I wanted. bahahahaha... Umm... I never thought of it that way, but I guess he is right.

I like what I like, is that bad? I'm really glad nothing more happened. He isn't in a good place to just have a simple relationship and I can't do drama or complicated. Simplicity is a hard thing to come by but right now, that's all i'm willing to do.

You're Fucking Absurd!

I ask you one simple mother effing thing! Get rid of Emily off your facebook PLEASE, have you done it? HELL NO. Why? IDK to be a prick? Because you forgot? Because you think it's funny?
For as many reason as I wanted to stay together to work through things... you are continuing to remind me why we wouldn't have worked out in the end anyways... FUCK YOU! and FUCK THE 28TH OF THIS DAMN MONTH! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
- The Bitter Angry Hopefully Soon to-be Ex Wife

Fiji

I made a promise to myself that I would go to Fiji in 2013, I have now decided I want to go during summer right before school starts. I was supposed to go to Fiji on my honeymood and due to the divorce of course that's not happening. So I think I will throw it out to my friends if anyone wants to join but if not.. i'm going alone. Well last night I hung out with Hyrum and this lady he works with Tracy is in for business from Australia. We got into a conversation about GA and racial issues and war etc and normally I don't talk about things like that with anyone even friends but we took each other opinions and had a wonderful talk and have 99% of the same views! She was a wonderful lady and I would LOVE to spend more time with her. The best thing... turns out she has been to Fiji THREE times! She talked to me about things that happen there and where is good to go and got my name and number and email and wants to keep in touch. Offered for me to stay with her a few days while on my way to fiji in sydney, Australia!!! How incredible would that be! Last night over all was just awesome :)

Are you being serious?

Mom - Telling me I need to make new friends because everything revolves around the "Frends" is ridiculous! THEY WERE THERE FOR ME WHEN YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON ME WITH MY SEPARATION FROM NATE! Trav let me stay at his place, they took me to dinners so I wouldn't be alone, they checked on me all the time! THEY WERE THERE! I have cut out some seriously shitty people from my life, that's why I don't have tons of friends anymore. They either drink 24/7, do drugs, have no goals in life other than to live at home for the rest of their lives, or don't care how many lives they ruin while "having fun". I don't want that in my life anymore, EVER. So no... I don't need to branch out. They are my fmaily and will always be. I would love to meet new people, but all the new people I met are just like the old people I got rid of. And really.. "stop putting my feelings on facebook, i need to grow up a bit" WTF? What "feelings" of mine are on facebook? I'm sleepy? I'm excited? umm... shut the fuck up! It's MY FB i'll post what I want. I'm not doing ANYTHING wrong or bad! Let me live my life, you made me move out, you don't need to tell me how to live anymore, thanks!

All Smiles

I don't know you very well, but you are a incredible man. I smiled just from getting a text from you tonight. AK - you're a great guy I hope you know that. Too bad you're not sinlge because I would LOVE to go on a date with you!

Red Wine and New Jobs

New jobs - I accepted TWO jobs today, one at bdubs as a server, and one at a dog kennel/boarding place. Whoop Whoop!!! Red Wine makes me hiccup!!! I want to get laid.. ugh! Bed time I start tomorrow. whoo random shit on blogger :P

You can't unchange people

If I could have 3 lives to live I would take it. I would choose this one, it's hard but I know i'm going places. I would choose my life with Nathan, stay married and have a blissfull fairytale life. I would also choose my personal "drug", that kind of passion we had(or I think we had) I miss so much. Those 2nd two, will NEVER be the same. Life is forever changed and I'm glad and still sad sometimes. Sometimes I want to unchange myself, but I know i'm such a better person lately. I can't unchange me, I can't unchange others. It's sad that you make mistakes you never think will change your life until, boom... there you are!

But Really... you suck in bed!

Oh the group chat... can easily get me in trouble. Frend: She shallows, Becca Swallows! Ex: Yeah she does! I know first hand. Me: yeah right that NEVER happened. Ex: Yeah, I know haha. Enter the long back and forth talking shit about each other in a sexual mannor.... You have a small penis, you have a huge vagina, you are a 1 pump chump, you like it in the ass. etc etc... absolutely hysterical. I'm sure even funnier for the other viewers. However... no really... you have a small penis and you rarely got me off. It's funny when it's in a joking manner, no one needs to know it's all the truth :) I'm fiesty today, this may not be good!

Post Secret Sunday - I'll Tell One

I regret Sleeping with the last person I slept with, because I want to do it again. Simply because it's convient and I can. Not because I actually feel anything.

A New Place, Also In Life.

My new place is kind of cool, I really like my room. Even though I haven't put much up yet... or really moved moved. The first few nights here were ridic! Sunday - had a dinner party with my sis and our roommate larrissa and got drunk of my whole bottle of wine and more beer. Monday job searched. Tuesday is was my best friend and his twin brothers bday.. went to Cheap Skates and had a fucking BLAST! Weds job hunted.. today.. job hunted.. ughhh! SO, I haven't talked to nate in a few weeks.. well about 3 now. I haven't even text him and i'm so proud of myself. For a quick background. We are getting a divorce. I guess this will be my story. My "new life", my married for almost 3 years, moved accross the country for him, now getting a divorce, finally working on my career dreams, being a lunatic, having fun new story. Wish me luck. I might need it <3